07 September 2004


today is the worst day of my life..wait..not exactly i suppose..but i just feel terrible. i practically ate and ate. i didn't felt full or even hungry. i just want to eat. and this is not a very good sign at all. now, somebody out there is going to tell me to stop eating for good. you have to remind me of ten so that i won't forget. i'm definitely not going to eat at all starting from tomorrow onwards.

i felt pain. not headache or stomachache but practically heartache.. ok, is not those typically or literally heart ache lar.not cronic to health. i mean doctors can't cure it. i think i am depressed right now. very suffering.i feel like crying it all out but my tears are just clogged at its comfortable home. maybe cos i want to cry at someone or rather on someone or something like that. the feeling is just different compared to crying alone. i'm serious.

i mailed william earlier telling him that he won't be receiving any of my entries anymore. the entries that i mostly posted here are sent to him. not all but just the poetry ones. but i cannot face to send him anymore because the more i send the more i tend to write about him. and i don't want to lose a friend or make him feel guilty about what i am feeling.i have already been bothering him a lot..and i don't want to put him into trouble as well..i believe it is just best for me to know what i am feeling. enough said.

no one can understand me. because words just don't or can't describe every darn thing. it just doesn't work that way!! i think it is all my fault that god is punishing me. i take it. just let me suffer in peace. let me die in peace. if ever one day you didn't see any updates here in my blog, you'll know that i am gone for good and never to return again. believe what i say. you'll never know when it will happen.

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