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13 August 2004

i can't tolerate it no more

i have been trying so hard not to think anything about it. but it didn't last til today evening around 4 that i burst out in tears..i was controlling it really hard. all sorts of possibility came across my mind. i seriously have the idea to go up to the rooftop of college, or rather get shot somewhere and end up in the hospital with memory loss or something.besides i'm actually crying will i'm typing this. it is so hard for me.it hit me right at the head. and it is hitting so much that it hurts.i'll do anything to have a memory loss..anybody care to help?

after my first explosion, i miss called sharman and william. sharman called me back straight away after i miss call and i had to hide my tears. i put up a happy voice and glad to hear my baby's voice obviously. he sounds so happy that i couldn't bear letting him know that i am not. he even said thanks for miss calling him. i was so surprised..

oh god, i can't take it anymore.i wanted to share with someone but i just can't. nicholas is very worried. but i can't tell anyone. luckily i managed to persuade him not to worry so much about me. or else he would be driving to my place all the way from cyberjaya. one thing i do not want him to do. made a deal with him. i told him not to worry about me in return that i don't be sad. deal accepted with one condition that he let me cry all my heart out for that moment. that joker even can still ask me not to cry so long. he even said this to me, " let me sayang cos everything bad wil sure pass wan".i think if i were to gather all times when i'm sad and to those ppl that i just tell that i'm sad, it seems that nicholas does the better comforting job. but it even makes me wanna cry more knowing that i have such friend. though i haven't met him face to face before but he's the nicest friend i could ever get.

i am the kind of person that i don't liketo let others know if i am sad. i always keep it to myself. that's why quite seldom or rather none at all that you see me crying in front of you or something. because i'm the person who cries inside and not outside...

just want to say thanks for everything. if any of you read this try and see if i do reply your miss calls. cos if i don't. then you'll know where you can find me..

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