02 May 2004

i love ns but hate theories

til now, i still can't figure out why some people tend to have negative views on national service. well, all i can say is that i am one unlucky candidate who was not chosen at all. all these days from the first day of the national service itself, i have been sitting at home wishing i was there. until today when the news aabout the closing ceremony. well, if only my parents were quite open with this , i would have already been a volunteer candidate..everyday without fail, i kept telling my mom especially about how great if i was at national service and unfortunately those sad news about the rape, the gangsterism and the drown boy appeared in newspapers that she bombarded me by saying, " see, still want to go ns some more. look at what is happening there"...i of course have nothing to say and i can't say anything back. i just feel regrets in me.i just wnat to do something that i want. something that i really enjoy...what can i say..there's nothing more to be done... sigh...

life just seemed lifeless to me. i just don't feel like doing anything. i just prefer to sit and wonder why didn't i do this. and why is this happening instead.sometimes i just don't feel like blogging anymore but rather i prefer to hit the typical traditional diary . i remembered this particular diary given to my mom on my 10th birthday back in 1996. i haven't use it at all because it is too nice to use. but now, i have decided. all my sweet memories will be inside least, there could be pictures too..though i understand i can post it here too...but the feel is just different.. i just tend to prefer writing than typing..typing is like ..oh well, i don't know how to explain it. maybe operation could start right after my finals the first day of holiday itself!!...considering..

well, so far i had only read a few pages of extra materials for CT [ communication theory] and sad enough, i don't even get a bit of the theory..i read like i am reading a book. i can't seem to absorb all the facts into my head. and i still have like about 10 more books of notes to go.. how am i going to pass my CT..i was hoping for an A but i guess all hopes are vanished. i just can't study without ms wong's notes. she helped us a lot until she shifted and dr. manjit came in to replace her. in short dr.manjit is a phd holder [ judging from her title]. and obviously enough she is a lecturer for the degree students, and she's now teaching us diploma freshies!! OMG!! we aren't use to degree style of teaching for sure because there is when the lecturer talks and talks but to you she doesn't seem to be concentrating on the notes, she just seem to be off at is this going to happen. sad enough for me, i know what she is trying to tell us in class, but i just can't seem to find the relevance with the theories in the handouts. i'm in deep sh*t now..i'm positive. sometimes, i just hoped that the finals are a month more away or so.. oh well, i can't help it for this one too.. i just have to face it without anything in my brain.

my practical is on the 6th, the first day of exam itself. it would be on microsoft excel...i just hope on that day itself, i'll be able to finish the task given and be able to key in all the formulas...i just hoep i remember what ms cheah taught me after being the one that ask so many questions..haha..

not to forget, william text me this morning. he ask me why hasn't he heard from me for a while. well, remember me telling that i would forget him and stuff like that? this kind of things is just not so easy to forget..though he's one which i believe some of you would think so and even made me think so or in other words influence me...he's still nice to me. he's not as bad as you people think he is. i've met the worst so he's just not the worst ok? besides still having him in mind, i confess that i do have some other people in mind as well. but i just know that i am not able to change them. i'm just their friends. what can i do, most of the guys are know are my closest friends. i agree that i am much more closer to guys compare to girls, i'm not flirting. if you ever tihnk i am flirting, then you better be sorry.

at this moment, i just feel that i have lots to say..i have lots of things inside of me. but nothing seems to be going to my brain to let my fingers to the whole thing.... T_T

off i go

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